Are you one of those people that can just dissapear into another ephemeral world when your'e plugged in??ie.I-pod cassete walkman(for those that havent achieved uber status with the new fangled gizmos)or discman??well i am,Frequently to escape and simply tun eout i don my i-river and walk about in my own world where i star in fashion shows ,video clips,meet people i would mayb enever meet and come up with ideas about this that and always the other.
Today was no exception and i was glad to "live"a little today ,as in depression and illness didnt come into play making for a brighter day when the senses flowed freely,i felt the sun and felt the breeze.,everything seemed to "glow"yes my happy pills kicked in and thank the godess!i digressed,ok ok the inner music life,i think im far from being alone in this and even before drugs and any other substance i had my best ideas "under the influence"of music and that inner world i lived in when the world seemed atrociously awful,dull,quiet and just plain sucked!
Virtually i can "see"and feel everything i do when i get that way like a lucid dream but awake.Ideas flow so freely and then i lose them,thoughts words get lost and i never write them down and think well that just really takes the biscuit!a friend told me that ideas and concepts if u channel them into the other "realm"yea ok im not high! that they get picked-up-used and then you se eit or hear it and go..wtf???? ha sthis happened to you??i think its universal,like reading a book and going ,omg this is so me-this happend -to me!!or such like.
Well,a si said today was like a renaissance of wht and who paul was and it was a lightning bolt.Images and words came crashing around me filling my head with such fun and colour.Pills only do so much to Alleviate dpression and mental illness .they can also diminish creativity and you become a walking functioning automaton .Thats how i have been.empty-devoid-dull-lacklustre.Bango and then it finally hit home,and this week i hav ebeen on a "tme is a wastin'trip"nearly 39 and all,doin'the "what have i achieved crap" i want to leave something tangible,whether thats art ,writing or both and i pray to the universe that i can make it.Bck to the ideas bit,i had a fashion folly ,that is a fashion fancy that came to me about jared gold and lo and behold he added me as a friend today when i came home.odd??nah not really.stranger things happen
Czarina ,his latest offfering of imperial decadence just blew me away mainly a si have this fetish for all things romanov and love the era,the fashion the imperial life and absolute opulance and old world sobreity and arrogance .Jared strikes me as a an old soul inhabiting realms that are filled with victoriana and romanesque delights,of worlds that lie in the past and occupy the creative muse in the present.I have only had the pleasure of seeing his shows online and dream a little dream of transporting my behind right there sitting next to clint and audrey and just smelling it and letting it fill my senses,the music the lights the clothes the ideas,fashion and art are like walking visual books.do you think??or ami being just utterly airy fairy?/art wank perhaps??
Well poo to you if you do!i had this idea that the next show could be 'DIVINITY' where gods and godesses walk the runway in human form,athena with heels!venus as aboy(ok pardon the bjork pun)music,totally ephemeral,something like the soundtrack to perfume story of a murderer intertwined with enniomorriconne and splashes of moby thrown in..a total senses flash out.priestesses walk the runway offering the gods their gifts while the gods an dgodesses quietly and with utter fashion arrogance strut their stuff.I have more ideas but for another blog post.The utter fnale would be to the tune of the da vinci code and from ascren or ascending from a platform a "madonna and child appear..halos and robes like a pierre and gilles photograph.ages ago i envisioned jeffree star as jesus and lisa di amato as mary .wouldnt that be uber fantastic???a pink haired jesus with pink eyebrows!!i had the thought for a large scale painting but i just thought,wouldnt that be controversial and a huge eye grabber.crowd goes wild.you tube goes crazy ,flashing bulbs blazing.Jared gold creates a master sensation.then i thought ok paul,what about the clothes??well there would be such a wealth of ideas to conjur up from thousands of years of imagined and real garment depictions of the divine ones.and a plathera of gods and godesses to choose from.clint as hermes??audrey as hathor??raquel as isis?? ad to that a list of mannequins we need awe and a sense of majesty.
Baby, you had me from the first sentence. Excellent blog-- and strangely, I felt the typos added to its manic intensity. Those moments you speak of, when your heart is filled to bursting with beauty, mind an ambulatory rush of thoughts your fingers can't possibly capture even a fraction of on paper/powerbook or whatever else?
You know: when the sensory overload practically has your epidermis vibrating, and you're teetering an eyelash away from the brink of short-circuiting?
Those are the only moments in which I feel alive alive alive...
And speaking of LIFE:
I'm glad to hear you went back on your Rx regimen. I do the whole "happy pills" thing myself, so when I read a while back that you'd stopped taking your antidepressants abruptly, I wanted my fingers to penetrate the computer screen so I could bitch-slap yo ass! I don't know the prescription(s) in which you partake, but DO know that none of them are to be kicked "cold turkey."
And besides...I don't know about you, but I spent *far* too many years lachrymose as it is. I'd rather obtain a daily dose of 'mental health from a bottle' than lose months at a time because I can't get out of bed.
Speaking of which—I'm so exhausted at the moment; I can practically see my dead relatives floating about.
I once kicked my anti-depressants cold turkey. Yeah - NOT a good idea. Not a good idea at all! I am off them for good now, but it took a LOT for me to get to the point where I am now. I still have the emergency xanax script on back-up for those few days that my anxiety gets to be too much. Thank the gods for that.
You know, it's people like you who make it worth my while to subject myself to the negative shit. (Blog going up in a few; THEN you'll understand.) x o x
Thanks, sweetness! // It's all the result of the beauties at Hairroin... I've got a red velvet crush on those scissor-wieldin' geniuses! // And while your Edie background is gorge, I gotta admit it's a total 'trigger' for me. // The line about "strawberries" immediately comes to mind from Ciao!Manhattan -- you know the one... about "the ultimate all-time high?" // Immediately, my ears start ringing and I'm overcome by a state of vertiginous fluster// And even if I take as small as action as navigate away from your page, or wander across the world to the farthest corner: I'm all too aware that now that I've had more than just a taste. but a full-on lapping at the pleasure zone of my brain that there's an insatiable hunger for more: // Lick again... Lick again...// And it'll never. Ever. Stop.
You wanna be nearer the top? // It's so secret how that's achieved, princess... // log on and comment me here (as well as my blogs on 'Renegades of Style') more regularly. // Oh and, it doesn't hurt if you want to be among *my* 'Top F(r)iends' that you-- AHEM-- HAVE ME IN *YOURS,* DARLIN'...
Oh darlin'...let's not even get started on the "broke artist" tip. // If I told you my financial sitch at the moment, you'd think I'm B.S.ing you-- SERIOUSLY. // We can worry about the painting when and if I'm even *semi* solvent... for now, thanks for the birthday wishes, and "Let's not talk about despair!" // x o x o x
Um, HELLO! It doesn't hurt to use this site now that you're "up on it," sweetness... (Oh and, just saw that you have Cottonmouth Kisses listed under your favorite books. How many bonus points do you get for THAT one, my friend? heh heh heh...)
You know: when the sensory overload practically has your epidermis vibrating, and you're teetering an eyelash away from the brink of short-circuiting?
Those are the only moments in which I feel alive alive alive...
And speaking of LIFE:
I'm glad to hear you went back on your Rx regimen. I do the whole "happy pills" thing myself, so when I read a while back that you'd stopped taking your antidepressants abruptly, I wanted my fingers to penetrate the computer screen so I could bitch-slap yo ass! I don't know the prescription(s) in which you partake, but DO know that none of them are to be kicked "cold turkey."
And besides...I don't know about you, but I spent *far* too many years lachrymose as it is. I'd rather obtain a daily dose of 'mental health from a bottle' than lose months at a time because I can't get out of bed.
Speaking of which—I'm so exhausted at the moment; I can practically see my dead relatives floating about.
To the sheets I go.... and till later:
Fare thee well, my dear friend.